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writings 7

First Times

So, you’re in love again. Although you once deemed it impossible, you’re finally ready to start something new. It’s great to feel those butterflies in your stomach again and every day feels like you’re riding a sparkling unicorn on a pink cloud of love. Everything’s amazing, everything’s lalala – or is it? With every new beginning, there are some challenging first moments to face. We all know ’em, we’ve all been there – and on more than one occasion, they lead to a story left to tell (for the children, darling!). Here they are from both a male (you’ve met Sam before) and female point of view.

Meeting the parents (female point of view) – for some of you lovable, social people this will be considered as a piece of cake, but I tend to have small panic attacks when it comes to meeting the people that created the person you’re seeing naked on a regular basis now. I assume it makes you nervous as well, and if not – I kinda hate you. So, you’ll do your best to make things go as smooth as possible. You’ll wear a pretty decent dress, you’ll comb your hair and you’ll think of funny, intelligent things to say. Either that, or your new lover will accidentally lock you up in his apartment and is far, far away when you really need to leave for work – meaning his father has to come over and set you (the girl he’s never met before) free. An awkward first meeting or a special way to start bonding with the in-laws? I convinced myself it was the latter.

Meeting the parents (male point of view) – You still can’t believe that you were able to make a great first impression. No time to get lazy though: you merely conquered a lady’s heart, now it’s time to impress her parents. Oh yes, they’ve been informed. Oh yes, they’re looking forward to put you to the test. Oh yes, start sweating. Luckily, humor is the best make-up to cover up any nervousness. The last minute decision to buy a stylish bouquet (always, always ask for a STYLISH bouquet in the flower shop) proves to be perfect. And what a brilliant move to buy a “congratulations! It’s a son”-card, and just adding the witty “-in-law”! Great move, man – her parents will love that. Don’t get hot-brained however – before you know it you’ll ask her mother if she got her sunglasses from the latest Dennis-Black-Magic-collection.

The real you (female point of view) – At first, it’s easy to maintain that whole “I’m the coolest person you’ve ever met”-look. I’ve traveled here, I’ve been there, my friends are all super amazing and why yes, I do look this amazing all the time (ahum). Those first couple of weeks, he’s still blissfully unaware that you still enjoy wearing bear socks you bought years ago or that you turn into an annoying irrational monster from time to time. Soon my love, soon…

The first fart (male point of view) – Nothing more important to a guy than being able to let all gas loose. Did I actually just write that? I meant: Nothing more important to guy than (add something romantic yourself). The first fart isn’t the most significant moment in a growing relationship, but it’s one that inevitably will take place. And the sooner, the better. Nobody likes to hold up a fart the whole night. You know that moment when you step outside her house, let loose and feel like you’re going to float away like a balloon? Let go of that air, boy. Because real love is about letting everything out, no?

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